If at least 14 criteria out of 30 are met, the person in question is a manipulator. Most people get more than 20 points out of 30. People with fewer than eight of the listed characteristics are not considered to have a manipulative personality.
- They make other people feel guilty in the name of professional conscience, family ties, friendship, love, etc.
- They unload their responsibilities onto others or dismiss their responsibilities.
- They do not clearly communicate their requests, needs, feelings or opinions.
- They often respond vaguely.
- They change their opinions, behaviours, or feelings depending on the person or situation.
- They cite all kinds of logical reasons to disguise their requests.
- They make others believe that they must be perfect, never change their minds, always know everything, and immediately respond to requests and questions.
- They cast into doubt the qualities, skills and personalities of other people—they criticize without appearing to do so, devalue and judge.
- They have their messages communicated by other people or via intermediaries (telephone instead of face-to-face, written notes).
- They create suspicion and stir up ill feelings; they divide to conquer, driving a wedge between people, leading to relationship break-ups.
- They know how to make themselves victims to gain sympathy (e.g. exaggerated illness, « difficult » surroundings, overloaded at work).
- They ignore requests (even if they claim to be taking care of them).
- They use the moral principles of others (e.g. notions of humanity, charity, racism, « good » or « bad » mother) to satisfy their needs.
- They make veiled threats or openly resort to blackmail.
- They abruptly change the topic in mid-conversation.
- They avoid or get out of discussions and meetings.
- They rely on the ignorance of others while vaunting their superiority.
- They lie.
- They make false statements to discover the truth, twist, and interpret facts to suit themselves.
- They are self-centred.
- They can be jealous, even if they are parents or spouses.
- They cannot take criticism and deny facts.
- They do not consider the rights, needs and desires of others.
- They often wait until the last minute to ask, order or have others do something.
- Their words appear logical and consistent, while their attitudes, actions or lifestyle are opposite.
- They use flattery to seduce us, give gifts or suddenly start waiting on us hand and foot.
- They generate a state of discomfort or not being free (trap).
- They are excellent at meeting their own goals but at the expense of others.
- They make us do things that we would probably not have done of our own free will.
- They are constantly the focus of conversation among people who know them, even if they are not present.
